Lyrics:
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Dear Abby, dear Abby
My feet are too long,
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong.
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all.
Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call?
Signed bewildered
Bewildered, bewildered
Chorus:
You have no complaint.
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't.
So listen up, buster, and listen up good.
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood.
Signed Dear Abby
Dear Abby, dear Abby
My fountain pen leaks,
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks.
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed.
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead.
Signed unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy
Chorus
Dear Abby, dear Abby
You won't believe this
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss.
My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head
But my stomach tells me to write you instead.
Signed noise-maker
Noise-maker, noise-maker
Chorus
Dear Abby, dear Abby
Well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught.
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees.
Signed just married
Just married, just married
Chorus
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