Lyrics:
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Chorus:
Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies got locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday 'till Saturday
Nobody knew they were there
The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
She went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there
The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in
And nobody knew she was there
The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle;
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel,
And nobody knew she was there
The forth to come was old Mrs. Humphrey
She shifted and jiggled to get herself comfy
Then to her dismay, she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there
The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy;
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy,
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there
The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender;
She went there to repair a broken suspender.
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there
The janitor came in the early morning.
He opened the door without any warning,
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.
alternate verses:
The _____ old lady was Abigail Quimm
Who crossed her legs on a personal whim,
But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there.
The _____ old lady was old Mrs. Flynn.
She prided herself on being quite thin,
But when she sat down, the poor dear fell in.
Nobody knew she was there
The _____ old lady was old Mrs. Hart.
Every two minutes, to the toilet she'd dart.
But when she got there, all she did was read.
Nobody knew she was there.
The _____ old lady was old Mrs. Moore.
She was drunk as skunk when she came through the door.
The seats were all full so she peed on the floor.
Nobody knew she was there.
The _____ old lady was old Mrs. Brewster.
She don't get around any more like she usedter.
When she sat down she said somebody goosed her.
Nobody knew I was there.
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